Idiots guide to buying an engagement ring

We’re always so happy to sell engagement and wedding rings! Here’s our guidance honed over many happy proposals: 

Some questions to ask yourself:

1. Do you know for certain what type of ring they would like? Have they shown you the actual one they want or given you some really big hints? If you are 100% sure you know then move on to Q5. 

2. Are you buying what they’ll like? Or what you like!? Or what you think you should buy? If you have no idea what you think they’d like or you’re not feeling brave enough to make a choice, remember (and this is the bit everyone gets wrong) this is not about you! Well, it’s a tiny bit about you but its nearly all about them. Think of it like this, you are giving them a piece of jewellery that they will wear and look at every single day for the rest of their life. When your kid gives you a picture they’ve done, you love it and you cherish it and you might even want to keep it in a scrap book forever but, you don’t necessarily want to hang it up on the living room wall! Why do you love it? Because they made it for you because they love you and you love them.  They will have to wear this ring every day though and, here's the key point - it’s going to be difficult for them to say to you that it’s not exactly what they wanted. Many people buy what they think they should buy without really empathising with their partner.  Bear in mind that what's important to you eg, "get the biggest diamond i can afford" might not be a priority to them, they may prefer a smaller, more discrete ring.

3. Can you ask their mum!? Or sister? Or best friend? They are all likely to know what they’d like as they’ve probably had this conversation...but bear in mind there are risks to this strategy! You will know your future mother-in-law – Will she tell on you straight away? Or if not deliberately, will she let the cat out of the bag!? You don’t want to spoil the surprise but if you know one of these guys well enough to ask, you might consider this approach. Consider also the jeweller’s window – Mum can always sneakily find out if they’re together and having a quick peak in the window. Or this can be a good way for you to find out if you’re out shopping together - you feign interest in a new watch for example and let them drift off to the rings section “oh yeah, don’t get any ideas!...But go on then, out of interest, what sort do you like!?” (note: don’t buy from a high street shop, ask us!)

4. Have you studied their existing jewellery? – only white gold and platinum? Or they only wear yellow gold? This gives you a good place to start.

5. Budget – Empathise with your partner- Ask yourself, if they were picking a ring, would they have to have the biggest, flashiest thing to show off to everyone? Or are they the sort of person that would rather spend that money on a dream holiday? Or on paying down the mortgage? A good example: We had a customer who bought a very nice, 3 carat diamond ring (a real whopper and very impressive!) for his fiancée. Did she love the ring? Yes, because he had picked it for her and saved up for ages to buy it and she appreciated that. But was it the right ring for her? No, because a) she was a social worker and she felt self-conscious and flashy when dealing with families at work as they were often struggling to get by. And b) because they had some debts that were affecting the quality of their lives. In this case we traded it in for a smaller, prettier one that she picked and used the cash to pay off some debts and to go towards a honeymoon. So the lesson here is that you don’t have to buy what you think you’re supposed to buy, you don’t have to get them a diamond that’s bigger than their best friends etc. You guys do what’s right for you! 

Here’s some suggestions and pointers to consider:

1. A promise ring – This can be anything, ideally a mock-up of what you think they’ll like (and can afford if they do!) in eg, silver and cubic zirconia. You can buy these ready-made online. If you do this, just make sure you explain quickly that it’s a promise ring and that you have booked an appointment with a jeweller to sit down and build their dream (in budget!) ring.

2. Buy the stone – One nifty way of doing things is to buy the most expensive part, the stone, and present this to them – if you sit down with a good jeweller and explain what you’re planning, they can set the stone into a plain silver setting which is only going to cost a few pounds. And if you set up an appointment with them for after the proposal date, fingers crossed you can both go back and design their dream ring together. This is going to show that a) you’re serious and it’s not a spur of the moment thing, b) you’re thoughtful and have really considered their feelings and opinions and c) that you’re a smart cookie!

3. Simple all the way! If you really have to surprise them with the finished article, the ring they’ll wear every day forever, then go plain! A simple setting is never going to go out of fashion. If you buy something that is in fashion, that all the celebs are wearing etc, you can guarantee it will look out of fashion in a few years. Check out our art deco rings or ask us to show you some good examples.

4. Don’t break the bank. Some of the happiest couples you’ll ever meet got married when they were poor as church mice! You can always upgrade or shower them with jewellery later on in your relationship. Bear in mind that not everyone wants the biggest flashiest ring you can afford! 

5. Consider vintage/antique/second hand - This one is in our interest of course! And not everyone wants to wear a ring that someone else has used for their wedding (that could of course very well be haunted). But if you open up this option you're going to get more for your money and in the case of antique, you'll get something made out of better materials which is built better.

6. Buy the stone, not the certificate! - I once lined up 5, 2 carat diamonds for a couple who were building an engagement ring. I showed them around each stone and how to compare them to the others and asked them to pick out the best one. They both picked what was obviously the best, sparkliest, liveliest stone. Next I told them the prices, and good news, the one they picked was sat right in the middle, so far so good. Then I put the corresponding lab report with each stone...and they bought the worst, most expensive diamond! Why? because it had the "best" certificate! I'll do a blog post on certification another day but the lesson here is, go with your eyes, not with what the certificate says!  

Some other things to consider:

Are lab grown diamonds a good idea for an engagement ring? 

Only you can answer this question! But consider this – lab grown diamonds are now so easy to produce and so plentiful in supply that prices have plummeted and continue to race to the bottom. Will you be able to buy a flawless 1 carat diamond for £10 or so in the near future? Possibly. So you have to consider what’s important to you (and the recipient of the ring). If you spent a month’s salary on a lab grown stone which is effectively worthless, does that matter? The diamond will still be going and looking good in 100 years. Another way to think about it - would you give them a fake handbag for a special occasion? Are they the sort of person who would say “phew, I’m glad you only bought a fake handbag, I’d rather spend our money on paying off the mortgage!” if the answers are yes then lab grown could be the way to go! 

De-beers et al want to guilt trip you into spending 2 month’s salary or whatever it is now(!?) and that’s an understandable sentiment to want to buy into – it’s a special present marking a momentous occasion and you want to show that it hurt a bit to buy it! Also they’ll want to show it off (“Hey guess what, I’m getting married” First question is always “Oooh, lets see the ring!”) and you don’t want to look cheap!

On the flip side lab grown diamond industry is telling you their product is green, sustainable, it’s the same identical thing, its much cheaper, no one will know the difference… 

The simple answer here is – “you do you!” don’t worry about anyone else, its about what the two of you want and think is best. Don’t over-reach financially speaking, you can always upgrade later! 

Are coloured stones a good choice for engagement rings?

It depends what you’re looking for but yes, they can be. Here’s some useful things to bear in mind:

Practicality when selecting a stone

The ring is going to be worn day in, day out. Its going to get bashed, forgotten about, taken in the bath or shower, dunked into the washing up etc. This is one good reason why diamonds are the most popular choice. Diamonds are the hardest material on the planet so they can be worn and forgotten about (side note – most people believe that because diamonds are hard, they are indestructible and can be hit with hammers and so on. Yes, they are hard but that doesn’t mean they can’t be chipped (otherwise how could you cut a diamond into a finished shape?) it just means that a diamond can scratch anything else and leave a mark but nothing can scratch a diamond. But yes, diamonds are the most durable stone by far. Next up is a list of some of the next most popular stones:

Corundum family – What’s that you may ask!? It’s the name for the stuff that sapphires and rubies are made of. Red corundum is called ruby, blue corundum is called sapphire. Corundum comes in pretty much the whole rainbow of colours and these are termed yellow sapphire, pink sapphire, green sapphire etc. If diamonds are a hardness of ten, corundum is nine (this is a bit deceptive, as corundum is way, way softer than diamond but its still very, very hard) so these can make a nice alternative to diamond or go well paired with diamonds. Rubies are a good choice here only because in the language of gemstones ruby designates passion and diamonds eternity – so that’s a nice sentiment. The big 4 of precious stones, diamond, ruby, sapphire is completed with…

Emeralds (and the beryl family) -Emeralds are always popular and when you hold a good one in your hand you’ll see why! Emeralds are part of the beryl family along with aquamarine and some other more obscure colours. However, please approach emeralds and co with caution! The beryl family is relatively hard but it’s one of the more fragile stones out there, especially emerald – a decent knock at any time over the course of your beloved’s life will likely fracture or chip it. They also don’t like heat and changes in temperature – a bath is fine but you get the point, they’re a little bit fragile. Its not a definite no-no if you have your heart set but perhaps consider a rubover, bezel setting (ideally in platinum) to protect the stone and/or some diamonds around the setting. 

Topaz – Usually found in blue (often confused with more expensive aquamarine), pink or imperial (orange/brown colour). Topaz is pretty good durability wise but is seen to sit just outside the world of precious stones. Some people are snobby about “semi-precious” stones but topaz can be a nice choice.

Quartz family – If diamonds are ten and rubies/sapphires are 9 on the hardness scale, then quartz is an 8. Different coloured quartz has different names but they all have similar qualities. Amethyst is purple quartz, Citrine is orange/yellow, rock crystal is clear and there are others. The quartz family is very much in the semi-precious camp although some top quality amethysts can be relatively valuable. Its pretty hard and durable but not often used for engagement rings. But there’s nothing to stop you choosing these.  

Opals – Beautiful, magical, unique stones, many peoples favourite but not generally recommended for engagement rings. They are very fragile compared to other stones and prone to cracking and they are certainly going to pick up tiny scratches and become dull when worn on the hand. Better as an anniversary or wedding present perhaps!?

Tourmaline – Slightly underrated stone. Most people in the jewellery trade would name tourmaline amongst their favourites, it has a beautiful lustre and comes in some fabulous colours, namely green, pink (called watermelon when displayed together in the same stone) and less often blue. Paraiba tourmaline is a fabulous, light blue colour that positively glows – once seen, never forgotten and very scarce. Again, its not as durable as the big 4 but can be an interesting, unusual option. 

Tanzanite – A favourite of the shopping channels! But undoubtedly a beautiful stone. It comes out of the ground brown and is heat treated to turn it into a stunning, purple/blue stone. Only found in Tanzania, you’ll be told that its very rare, and it is but there’s enough for everyone who wants one to have one! Its not often seen in engagement rings and can be prone to damage but if you like it, that’s understandable! 

Garnet -  Comes in a rainbow of beautiful colours but is quite soft and prone to scratches.

Moissanite – Diamond alternative which can come in several colours and is famed for having a higher refractive index than diamond (this just means its more sparkly) however it is not as hard and is viewed generally speaking as “fake” diamond. So beware, most diamond testers will show moissanite to be diamond! Most brides would not be rushing to tell everyone they have a moissanite engagement ring, but again, you do you!

Coloured diamonds -  Diamonds, in theory come in all colours with yellow then pink the most common “fancy” colours, then blue, green and red which are all exceptionally rare. Lab grown diamonds can be grown in most colours and are an option if you don’t mind lab grown. Coloured diamonds are as hard and durable as clear stones. Bear in mind that if you’re looking at eg, a natural blue diamond and its affordable, it has most likely been blasted with radiation to turn it blue. Perfectly acceptable as long as this is disclosed to you!  

Moonstone, turquoise, zircon, spinel, chrysoberyl, pearl and all the rest – There are so many exotic stones to choose from! So you If in doubt, feel free to ask us for advice. 

Type of setting – This can make a difference, eg a softer stone can be better protected with a bezel setting so consider this or other design elements. Feel free to ask us for advice. 

Value/cost – Appraising and valuing coloured stones is notoriously difficult. Bear in mind the rules of supply and demand – a top quality ruby will always be worth more than eg a perfect diamond of a similar size. This is just down to supply and demand – there are many more diamonds around than good quality rubies and sapphires. Please just exercise some caution, many, many, many people have “lost their shirt” buying coloured stones, there are so many variables to consider and unless you really know what you’re doing its very hard to know what’s what.

Lab grown v earth mined coloured stones - Bear in mind that there are synthetic or lab grown alternatives to almost all coloured stones. Corundum (ruby and sapphire) has been grown in labs for 150 years or so! So, bear in mind that just because a ring is antique or vintage does not mean the stones are “real”! 

Treatment/enhancements – It’s a fact that most coloured stones on the market have been enhanced to make them more valuable. This is an accepted practice and is fine as long as its disclosed! Very often of course, it isn’t. This is akin to buying a car that has had a load of dents repaired – you could drive it around for years and no-one would ever know but you’d still expect the garage to tell you when you bought it. Treatments include (but are not limited to) heating – especially rubies and sapphires can be heated to enhance their clarity and produce a better colour. A lab can spot this a mile away but to the naked eye you won’t be able to see. Oiling – this mostly applies to emeralds where they are boiled in green oil which enters all the tiny fractures and channels in the stone and makes it look a deeper, richer green. Again, this is acceptable (and applies to nearly all emeralds to some extent) but it must be disclosed to be fair to the buyer. Finally irradiation is commonly use to enhance stones. 

Lab reports – Just as diamonds often come with a lab report, so too can coloured stones and these can be helpful, especially where they provide a photo of the stone in question. GIA and Anchor-cert are 2 reputable labs and there are others but bear in mind a lab report is often something used to help chivvy along a sale and not all labs are equal, indeed, some reports are from labs that don’t even exist and are essentially fake. 

In summary, coloured stones can be fun, interesting, very beautiful and totally worth considering but there are many, many ways to be deceived. If in doubt consult a good laboratory or ask us!

Consider the wedding bands - It can be a good idea to buy both at the same time so that everything matches and also they will fit together nicely (important if you have a big or unusual setting) 

Consider designing something unique - Please ask about this, we can help and these days with CAD, 3D printing and casting its a lot cheaper than it used to be to make something unique and to your specifications. 

Finally - the proposal itself! - There is an increasing trend to pop the question in an elaborate fashion  - (whilst sky diving wearing scooby doo costumes into a shark tank, that sort of thing...) and again, you do you, but don't feel under pressure, you really don't have to think of something unique and crazy! 

Good luck, let us know how you get on!